did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
