just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
