so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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