just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
