Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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