What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
