I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
