I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
