I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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