I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
