The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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