I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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