Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
