Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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