Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
