I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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