My hair reeks of homosexuality.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
