Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
