Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
