my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
