i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
