yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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