You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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