you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
