drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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