i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
