You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
