I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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