making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
