i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
