He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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