The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
