so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
