Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
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