sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
