Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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