What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize