In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
