went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
