When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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