so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
