I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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