i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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