I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
