Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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