had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
