I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
