my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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