i would punch a child for taco bell
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
