she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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