Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
