so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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