Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
