As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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