I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
