This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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