I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize