fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
