youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
