I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
