I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize