it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
