Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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