Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
should my penis look like a turkey
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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