2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
