I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
