I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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