It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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