i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
