Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
