Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize