i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
