whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
