Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
