Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
