I am midnight drunk by noon
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
