At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
tell me about the eggs
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
