I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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