I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
