I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
