I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
