dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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