If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
