When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
