nut hugger
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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