I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
