The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
