I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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