I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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