Just mADE A PArabola og urine
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
