That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
