Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
did i walk over a car last night?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
